Caring for a family member in the hospital became my reality once more, when the nurse at my mother's long term care facility called.
“Your mom is being sent to the ER by ambulance.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Don’t send her until I get there.” Thus, my 93-year-old Mom’s recent hospital stay was launched. Mine and my brother’s, too.
Caregivers, you know what I’m talking about, right?
My brother and I took turns staying with Mom each day. She napped a lot, and I had plenty of time to compare this stint, caring for a family member in the hospital, to the one that introduced me to the job. Two revelations hit me like a ton of bricks.
Forty years ago this spring, my son's arrival was a crash course in caring for someone in the hospital.
Forty years later, the basics of caring for a family member in the hospital, whether a child or adult, remain the same.
The former of the two revelations has been over and done with for a long time. Forty years done, as of this writing, a fact that astonishes me every time I do the math.
The latter of the two revelations, however, led to present-day actions that made Mom's hospital stay smoother and easier. Maybe what worked for Mom can help you do the same, when the loved ones in your care are hospitalized.
#1: Make Yourself Useful
Show the doctors, nurses, and personal care workers that you are a valuable member of the care team, by making yourself useful. Interpret what your loved one is trying to communicate. Be a calming influence when a painful procedure is in the works. When Mom's care team saw me ease her anxiety by stroking her hair and coaching her to breathe deeply, they welcomed my presence during blood draws and dressing changes.
Photo credit: Olga Kononenko on Unsplash.com.
#2: Refer to Hospital Staff by Name
Everyone likes to be called by name. Take advantage of name tags and the names listed on the whiteboard in your loved one's room. In the era of COVID, you can bridge the distance created by mask-wearing by calling each person involved in your loved one's care by name. It makes a huge difference.
#3: Communicate Your Loved One’s Likes and Dislikes
Mom likes include vanilla ice cream, Cheerios with milk for breakfast, lots of blankets pulled up over her shoulders, and cranking up the heat in her room. She dislikes any breakfast cereal other than Cheerios, orange sherbet, socks that bag around her toes, and being cold. Once those caring for her were aware of her likes and dislikes, her mood improved and their workload decreased.
#4: Say Thank You. A Lot.
Because hospital workers don't hear that often enough. In fact, your gratitude for the little things they do to comfort your loved ones might bring them to tears. It might also motivate them to do more for your loved one.
#5: Repeat Yourself.
Repeat steps 2, 3, and 4 every time someone new enters your loved one's room.
#6: Hang around for the following important events:
The doctor's daily visit. The doctor issues the orders that nurses and other hospital staff carry out. His or her visit is your chance to cut through the middle man (or woman) and have your questions and concerns dealt with directly. It is also the most effective way to relay information to ensure continuity of care.
Administration of meds. Nurses administer medications to their patients. When you are present, ask the nurse to name each medication as it is administered and explain what it's for. That's how I discovered that a doctor had prescribed an iron pill for Mom. Iron upsets her stomach horribly. During the doctor's next visit, I provided that bit of Mom's medical history, and iron was removed from her list of medications. Over the weekend, however, it made its way back on her list, and I was able to refuse the medication.
Discharge day. Make sure someone is with your loved one on discharge day. A myriad of details are coordinated behind the scenes. If you are not present when discharge orders come through, everything starts from the beginning again. So be there. Just be there.
#7: Say No
You are your loved one's voice. So when a med is prescribed you know will cause harm, say no. When a new worker brings out a walker for someone who uses a wheelchair, say no. When your child is offered ice cream instead of the pudding she was looking forward to, say no. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
#8: Communicate with Your Tag Team
My brother and I did our own version of ‘shift change report’ when we tag teamed for one another. It made the transition of Mom's care much smoother. While the need for communication hasn't changed in forty years, texting made the process easier. We often texted one another throughout the day about conversations with doctors and tricks we discovered to improve Mom's comfort. We sent those texts, along with photos of Mom, to our sister who lives several states away, to keep her in the loop.
Perhaps these tips about caring for a family member in the hospital can make life easier for your baby, child, spouse, or parent. You may feel like your presence and advocacy accomplish little. In truth, you are carrying on the hard, sacred, and compassionate work of Christ as you care for your weak and vulnerable loved one. Take heart. Don't quit. You are doing great good.
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregivng community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She's also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. See Jane Run!, the first book in the West River cozy mystery series will be released in June of 2022.
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