Guest blogger Tony D’Orazio shares a poignant excerpt from his book, Down Right Joy.
My wife Karen’s dad, Ronald Henry Wolf, was born February 1, 1929, at St. Anne’s Hospital, Cleveland, Ohio. He grew up on E. 77th Street in Cleveland. He was the middle child of three, with two sisters. He graduated from Benedictine High School and received an associate’s degree from Fenn College after serving in the army. Ron was inducted into the army on February 5, 1951, during the Korean War, and was transferred to the army reserve on January 9, 1953. He was honorably discharged on January 23, 1957. He was a private first class stationed in Germany and received the Army of Occupation medal (Germany).
Typical of the Greatest Generation, he served his country proudly, honorably, and without fanfare or calling attention to his own situation. He felt blessed to be alive and well. He had done his duty for his country. He then raised a good family and really enjoyed his retirement.
He was a mechanical draftsman, a perfect job for his quiet but analytical and perfectionist personality. He started work at NASA, where he met his bride-to-be, Betty. At some point he became more than interested in this very pretty assistant who also worked at NASA. The laid-back analytical guy soon figured out this lady was not only beautiful, but available. They were married in 1954. Ron then worked for National Acme Cleveland for 35 years and retired from there in the 1990s. After retirement he worked as a starter at Briarwood Golf Course.
Ron was quite amused with my lack of organization in the area of tools, and my lack of any tools. He just kind of shook his head and smiled. He would be happy to know that his daughter Karen is a tool queen! She has a skill saw, jigsaw, radial arm saw, a large toolbox full of wrenches, drills, ratchets, and a portable workbench. She is very skilled and is always working towards her father’s precision level.
Ron’s love was Betty and his family. He also loved golf and bowling. His golf was precise, like his work. He did not hit that far, though he was respectable, but straight was his thing. Had Jacob been the right age, his grandpa would have been his personal golf instructor. To his grandpa’s credit, Jake has become a pretty good golfer. He has the hand-eye coordination and power. If he is hitting straight, he can get very close to 200 yards on his drives. He is not a bad putter either. He does well in Special Olympics golf and can hold his own in a scramble. Grandpa would be proud.
There were crosses to bear though for Grandpa Wolf. His youngest daughter, Nancy, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). Nancy had been a cheerleader, a very good softball player, and an overall active lady. She was in the accounting and auditing area of a large bank and was very successful. She had her dad’s keen sense of analyzing things, in this case financial figures. Ron cried when he got the news of her MS. Later on, Nancy lived with her dad and mom, and it was a beautiful example of family helping each other.
For Grandpa and G-Ma, Jacob was one of four grandkids. They loved them all dearly. But one of the other times Grandpa cried was when he found out Jacob was born with Down syndrome. He knew we would have to face many challenges. But also, for that generation, having a special needs child was different. They viewed these individuals more sadly; the R word was used. And like Karen’s Dr. Bedside crudely said, “these mongoloids used to be institutionalized.”
Nowadays there is much more focus on inclusion and there are all kinds of programs and organizations to assist parents of special needs children. Yet, with all the inclusion and all the programs, today’s culture is more savage than ever as a very high percentage of individuals with Down syndrome are aborted in the name of “choice.” To those of us blessed with these individuals, this is unthinkable.
Photo credit: Nathan Anderson on Unsplash.com.
As time went on, Ron and Betty got to know Jacob, and I think they favored him. Christmas was just plain over-the-top with the number of gifts Jake got from them. We knew always that their hearts were good and they genuinely loved their grandson.
Sometime around 1999 Ron was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He hoped for the best, and had his prostate removed. For several years after that he enjoyed fairly good health. But then his health declined, and eventually he had to face the inevitable. His health continued to decline rapidly and the family knew he would soon pass. On June 18, 2006, Ron went to his home in Broadview Heights to be with his loved ones for the last time. It was where he wanted to be. It was best for him to be with those he loved so much before he went to eternal rest and paradise.
A person dying of any kind of cancer is not a pretty thing. There is a lack of consistent consciousness, speech is limited and often inaudible, and there might be a bad smell. There is a very frail person losing his life. Ron was in a hospital bed that had been tipped up, so he was kind of lying at a 45-degree angle. His mouth was open. His young grandchildren, Nicholas, Jacob, and Matt, were there with their beloved grandpa, but they were upset, and maybe scared, and unable to do much or say anything.
Then, something profoundly beautiful, caring, simple, and spiritual happened. Six-year-old Jacob climbed up on a stool into grandpa’s lap and literally put his face right up to Grandpa’s face. He looked directly into Grandpa’s eyes and began to sing the line from the hymn “Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me….” Grandpa looked up, took a deep breath, and died a few minutes later.
Bible Verse: In Matthew 18:10, Jesus called a little child and had him stand among the disciples and said, “See to it that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”
For Consideration: Jacob was not afraid or thinking about himself. He was focused on his grandpa, and Jesus of course. This sincere act of kindness and deep faith will always be remembered by all of us who were there. Is it possible that some of our children are somehow more connected to the Lord? Could this be the real meaning of “special” in special needs!?
Tony D’Orazio is a graduate of Ohio Northern University; he and his wife Karen have three children. In addition to a successful career with a national disability and workers compensation organization, Tony has served with a boys’ home organization, working with disadvantaged and challenged adolescent boys. In 2011, along with sons Ray and Jake, Tony founded Jacob’s Ladder Special Needs Fitness, to provide much needed exercise for those with special needs. Jake D’Orazio is a 2019 Graduate of Strongsville (Ohio) High School, and is a certified group fitness instructor for individuals with special needs. Jake is CPR certified, and currently works as a Down to Box boxing instructor for individuals with special needs. Jake loves the Lord Jesus, his mom and dad, and all Rocky movies.
