For families like mine, with an autistic child and my own ADHD and anxiety, Christmas is rarely “calm” or “bright.” In fact, it is often loud, noisy, and overwhelming. Our children get overwhelmed by the lights and the new items. We, as parents, get overwhelmed by all the mess and noise. There are so many sensory inputs flowing through that you feel like you are in a never-ending vacuum of noise. And, that doesn’t even take into account that I’m operating on just a few hours of sleep after leading multiple Christmas services as a pastor.
Ruth saw a bright future for herself. She didn’t have an exact plan in front of her. But at 18, she vaguely knew what she wanted in the future: a master’s degree, a husband, a job she enjoyed, and children. Emma was on another path altogether. When Emma turned 18, she was already enrolled in a school for students with more significant disabilities.
Zechariah, despite being visited by an angel, doubted what he had been told, and so Gabriel told him that because of this doubt, Zechariah would not be able to speak until his son was born. So, he became unable to speak, and therefore unable to communicate through speech. What did he do? And what does his story teach us about people who cannot communicate by speech, or choose not to, today?
There were young kids, teens, young adults, even his best friend, all playing together, learning and laughing. But, there was no sign of my child. I searching the parking lot where everyone was talking and hanging out with their families; not there either. Here is where most people panic. But, deep down I knew; look with the younger kids. It was there I found him, rolling down the hill, filled with that bold childhood laughter, having the time of his life. No pressure here. No one asking him to make quick decisions he had to worry about in that football game. There was only freedom and joy. I want him to be something he isn’t sometimes, but I’m learning to start finding the thankful in disability.
How many of us counted the cost (both emotionally and financially) of what it would take to raise a child and/or care for an aging parent? Many are doing both…Because we love our child, we don’t often consider the cost because we simply do what is needed and want the best for them.
Margaret Vasquez explained that emotions aren’t who we are. Rather, they are similar to physical sensations. When we feel something hot, cold, sharp, or painful, our bodies are alerting us to approach with caution something in our environment. When we feel emotions––big and small––our mind is alerting us to something internal that deserves our attention.
The world might seem to have a lot to offer, but as it applies to the caring of a child or loved one with special needs, it offers us things that won’t make us happy and won’t deliver what we need. The world will always lack authenticity and the act of serving will not be very high on the rung of the ladder, by world standards.
When we care for our child(ren) with special needs, it’s self-sacrificing. It is more than a “job” as some might say, it is an undertaking (as one of my friends shared so succinctly with me). Yet some of us have a different level and depth of care. Although our son needs 24/7 attention and care, he can do a good number of things on his own. Cindi Ferrini shares the difference between Self-less and Selfless.
