The impact our words may have on the children we serve in whatever capacity––as their parents, caregivers, grandparents, teachers, neighbors, business owners, and more–– often goes unseen. We know our words make a difference because we remember how the adults in our lives impacted our childhoods.
My fiftieth class reunion was this summer, and many of us who gathered there reminisced about our favorite teachers way back in the 1960s when we were in elementary school.
“Who was your second grade teacher?” a former classmate asked me.
“Mrs. Eggleston,” I replied.
“I don’t remember much about being in her classroom,” he said, “but I loved being there.”
“Me too,” I agreed. “I don’t know what she did, but she made me feel seen and loved.”
Another classmate caught my eye and said, “Jolene, your mom was my third grade teacher.”
My mom, known as Mrs. Stratton to her students, had a reputation among adults of holding high standards of behavior. Translate that into kid talk and it comes out, “Mrs. Stratton is mean.”
“Uh-oh,” I thought to myself as he came over. “This could be awkward.”
“Your mom,” he began, “was the first teacher who made me work up to my potential. What I remember most is one day when we lined up after recess. After she brought us in and we were sitting at our desks, she said, ‘I counted how many of you boys took your hats off when you entered the building. Do you know how many of you did that?’
We all shook our heads.
‘Not one. Do you know that taking your hat off in a building is a sign of respect?’
We shook our heads again.
‘From now on I expect you to remember that.’
“A few weeks later,” my friend continued, “I went with my mom to the dry goods store downtown. As soon as we entered, I took off my hat. The clerk came over and complimented me. ‘What a polite boy you are!’ I looked at her and said, ‘Mrs. Stratton taught me to do it. She says it’s a sign of respect.””
My friend, who went on to become a National Merit Scholarship winner, smiled. “Your mom had a great impact on my life.”
Image from @moren on Unsplash
I’ve been thinking about this story for weeks now, reflecting on when it took place and what was going on in my family in those days. Here’s a short list:
Considering that this took place in elementary school, it was almost 60 years ago.
As kids we all thought Mrs. Stratton was ancient. In reality she was about 34.
5 years earlier, my dad had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Since then, she’d become the sole breadwinner in our family, and we’d moved to a town where she could finish her undergraduate degree in education.
The year she gave this speech to her students, she was caring for a disabled husband and 3 young children, teaching full time, and going to night school and summer school.
To say that Mom was stretched thin is an understatement. Even in her stretched-thinness, her words made a 60 year impact.
I’m telling this to you, the parent of a child with disabilities, for a couple reasons. First you may be wondering what impact your words are having on your children, those with and without disabilities, or anyone else…if your caregiving duties leave any time to talk to others.
Second you, like Mom when my friend’s story took place, are stretched thin. Really thin. Even in your stretched-thinness, you can use your words to maximum effect in the lives of the kids around you.
I believe the impact our words may have on the children we serve is far greater than we can imagine or conceive. Their impact grows exponentially when we beg God to be in our words, to guide our tongues, to open the ears of our children’s hearts to hear Christ in what we say. When God is in our words, we can be sure he will use them to impact them for eternity. When we give our words to God, we also can rest assured that his promise to godly parents in Proverbs 31:28 will come to pass. Our children will one day rise up and call us blessed, though they may wait to do it until after we are gone.
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of theDifferent Dream website.Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dig!, the fourth book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, will be released in October of 2024.
