“How do I teach my kids to interact with people who have disabilities?”
The question came during an interview with the hosts of the Music for the Soul podcast. While I composed an answer in my head before speaking, I also thought to myself, “What a great topic for a blog post.”
Image from @itfeelslikefilm on Unsplash.
Once the interview was over, I jotted down what I’d said and added more tips as they came to mind. The tips below are geared for kids, but they can be adapted for adults who act uncomfortable around anyone with disabilities and special needs––kids, adults, and senior citizens.
Model disability etiquette to your children and others. In addition to watching how you employ the tips listed below as you interact with people who have disabilities and special needs, they hear how you speak. They notice your inflection and tone of voice. They can see if you are at ease or uncomfortable, patronizing or respectful, so try to be a good role model.
Talk to the person with the disability rather than to their caretaker or interpreter even if they give the answer. Doing so shows the person that you value them and want to hear from them.
Start by having your child introduce herself. Once again, this conveys respect for your child’s voice and helps the person she’s talking to know who to speak with.
Allow your child to ask the person about his disability. Kids are curious and unihibited. They will bring up the disability elephant in the room that adults are too “polite” to mention. When that happens, don’t tell your child to be quiet. Instead, go up to the person and say, “My child would like to ask you a question. Is that okay with you?” If the person says yes, encourage your child to ask. If the person says no, move on to the fifth tip in this list. Then when you get home, answer your child’s original question as best you can.
Encourage follow up questions. We all know how answers result in growing curiosity. If the question was about a disability, your child may want to know about equipment, service dogs, interpreters. Let kids ask them if the other person in the conversation is agreeable.
Encourage questions not related to a person’s disability. Coach your child to move the conversation in the direction of getting to know one another. Kids can ask about their favorite sports or sports teams, books they enjoy, movies they like, and so on. These are the beginning steps in getting to know people and cultivating friendships.
Thank the person for answering your questions and say your good-bye. Have your child follow the other person’s lead about giving handshakes, high fives, fist bumps, or hugs. If this is a child to child interaction, you could even ask a parent if it would be okay to text and set up a playdate. Many children with disabilities have very few friends, so your request may well thrill their parents.
Most people reading this post are raising kids with disabilities and special needs rather than those who want to learn disability etiquette. So save this link and send it to people who ask you “How do I teach my kids to interact with disabilities?”
That’s not being pushy. It’s a way to expand your loved ones by expanding their circle of friends to improve their lives. There’s nothing pushy about that!
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dance!, the third book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2023. The audioversion of Book 1, See Jane Run!, was released in November of 2023.
