Assistive communication technology was a big help for our son through school and his past 15-year work experience. Communication devices are any devices used to communicate, send, or transmit text, video, audio, or image. Having limited speech until he was 12, our now 41-year-old son has found that sign language and this simple technology have aided him in better expressing himself.
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash
I would love to tell you what might work for your situation. In our experience, we received much support from Joey’s teachers, speech therapists, and others in the field of special needs. We were thankful to lean on their support in finding what may better help him learn to express himself. One device looked like the “Easy” button that one of the big box stores used to sell. When pushed, it would say, “THAT was easy!” Joey’s communication device could be recorded in his voice one command at a time. When he was having some difficulty at work, he used this device. He has pre-recorded himself saying: “Leave me alone, please.” This simple solution helped prevent him from getting angry or frustrated when presented with too many directions, a nosy or bossy co-worker, or when he needed a “minute” alone.
While that worked well, sometimes the noise level, the activity of the little grandchildren (his nephews), and too much commotion at a birthday party or other family function have him leaving the room as if to say, “Leave me alone, please.” That prompts the questions, “How do we handle him leaving the room?” and “How do we keep him from walking out the front or back door?”
We’ve come up with a few ideas that are helping us, and maybe they will help you, too. Each individual affected by special needs has various and different needs, abilities, and disabilities. We know our son can not be reasoned with—that only causes more frustration. Some of my suggestions may not work for you, but they may be a good starting place to help you consider what will. By getting creative, you can tailor solutions specifically to your child.
Here we go:
When we notice frustration, we must try to discern the source of the frustration. (Is it noise? Commotion? Disagreements? Are they tired or hungry?).
We might remove our adult child to another room. Most places we frequent are homes of family members or friends, so we have arranged a chair in a room where our son can be alone. There he will sit and play a hand game, look through a favorite book, or watch a movie on a device. While the idea of leaving your child alone may not be possible, you can modify this to your situation. We have some friends who know to accommodate this wish, as well. Other options might be dimming lights, hugging the child, encouraging them with words, or helping them to do some deep breathing, “Smell the roses, blow out the candles.”
We will tell our adult child if he becomes frustrated to come and tell us, and he can with simple words, usually saying, “go home now.” When that happens, we let him know we understand and that we will go home as soon as possible. Time is irrelevant for him, so the more important thing is that he feels comforted.
If we need to leave the house for a brief window of time, we give him the option to stay home alone—which he usually chooses. This solution means he must be fed, toileted, happy, and busy with a movie or something that will keep his attention. We have a “speed dial phone” on a landline where he can reach us any time. Our short time away (like a walk around the neighborhood) accommodates his adulthood (we didn’t do this until about age 25!). If the above criteria have not been met, he might eat a whole container of Oreos, get out beverages, and not have something to keep him busy (which he is generally very good about doing on his own.)
Depending on the circumstance, taking a brief nap could be just the rest and quiet they need.
For non-verbal individuals, perhaps taking them for a walk outside, a walk in their wheelchair away from the commotion, may reset the situation.
Try seeing using a weighted blanket or vest to calm your loved one.
Listen to calm, soothing music to change the course.
Sometimes our daughters feel bad when our son wants to leave the room and not be with us, but in the real world, wouldn’t it be nice if we all could remove ourselves and take a break when needed? It is good that we can find a way to allow our loved ones with disabilities this autonomy and self-regulation to “leave them alone, please!” And by the way, when can we try this?
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family, and special needs. They spoke nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/
