Most men enjoy elements of competition in sports, education or career pursuits. And in the case of men who become a dad of a child with special needs, well, they quickly learn that their son or daughter isn’t going to perform, work, think, or be like other children.
My husband Joe tells of how he set up Joey’s crib the day he brought us both home from the hospital:
“I was excited to have a first born son (Joey is nearly 39 now). At the hospital, we dressed Joey in an Ohio State sleeper (Joe graduated Dental School from THE OSU). I had Joey’s crib ready with some autographed Cleveland Indians baseballs, a signed football, and the dreams of hoping to coach his little league games and be on the sidelines cheering for him as he got older. I had the future planned in my mind!”
But like all special needs parents, we soon learned that when our kids aren’t hitting developmental milestones, the doctors who say, “He’ll catch up” don’t really mean, “He’ll be hitting home runs like you’re thinking.” Yes, life begins to look different, and while we can still make sports analogies, the way it plays out is very different than expected. Instead of being in the sports arena with your child, Dad will be called to be a good sport in life!
Photo credit: Sebastian Leon Prado on Unsplash.com.
Joe has been in the fatherhood arena for nearly 39 years. There have been a lot of challenges, and we’d both be the first to say if someone told us we’d be doing this for 39 years, we wouldn’t believe we could do it. But God has given us what we’ve asked for. Here are three ways that God has helped us be good sports:
FOCUS: A point of concentration; clear perception or understanding
In sports: Focus on the ball. Keep your eye on the ball. Concentrate.
As a special needs dad, focus looks less like sports, and more like this:
Focus on what your child can do. Joey’s reactions are too slow for sports play, but Joe and Joey can beat the best of them at video games. In fact, when Joey beat one of his cousins who was in medical school, the people in the stands were in an uproar. Okay, it was just in our family room, but that counts!
Focus on what brings your child enjoyment. It might not even be sports, but whatever it is, take advantage of focusing on that child and what they are focused on. Your participation will likely need a lot of modification, but focus on it with your child.
Focus on your heart: be open to what God is having you learn through this special needs journey. Check out Unexpected Journey; When Special Needs Change Our Course by Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini and this gift of a special needs child.
ENDURANCE: The ability to withstand hardship, adversity, or suffering
In sports: Working hard strains the body, and even the mind, to get the job done and win.
As a special needs dad, endurance looks less like sports, and more like this:
Working through the same things day to day, day by day, day after day.
In some cases, the physical heavy lifting of our children, and the emotional heavy lifting in others.
Keeping the “chin up” mentality through all the challenges; never quitting, knowing this will be an ongoing effort for years to come.
PERSEVERANCE: Continued effort to do or achieve something despite failure or condition, opposition or difficulties
In sports: No how many times one loses, you get back in the game; through injury, through tough work outs, through the stresses, strains, and strategy of the game.
As a special needs dad, perseverance looks less like sports, and more like this:
Even though there is the loss of the dream of what could have been, we pursue a new dream and adjust it as often as necessary to achieve what is necessary for our child.
No matter how many therapies and appointments we need to make for our children, we keep at it, because even small gains for them are great gains!
Keeping a good attitude so that our child feels the encouragement.
If God would ask us if we’d want to have Joey healed today, we would likely say, “You made him just perfect for us, so perhaps pass that blessing along to a younger family just starting this journey, who needs to experience a miracle.”
So Dad, when the going gets rough—and it will—ask for what you need, and adjust that competitive arena to simply learn to be a good sport in the arena of special needs. Then encourage other dads like you to do the same! Get in the game and PLAY BALL!
Happy Father’s Day, Dads!
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They speak nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife, and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at www.cindiferrini.com and social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/.
