Are you scrounging for thankfulness this holiday season? Holidays can be a challenge for those walking through hard days. Perhaps you feel like you've been handed the short-end of the stick; your child is struggling, you’re exhausted and it seems like everybody else has life with a bit more gravy. It’s easy to focus on our circumstances, take stock of what we have and where we are and end up feeling completely void of thankfulness. Is there a cure for this?
I first suspected I had ADHD as a teenager, but finding the right professional to take me seriously was much harder than I expected. Previous attempts only ended in frustration and tears.
Enjoying the holidays with a food allergy sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it? After all, eating together is an integral component of the holiday season. I looked forward to making our traditional holiday foods until I was diagnosed with a dairy allergy in 2012. What was to enjoy about the holidays when the foods associated with it were off limits to me?
It was a short, ten-minute drive from the hotel to the residential facility. I maintained composure while I navigated the busy public roads, and then residential streets. I had a whole range of emotions racing through my body, mind and spirit as we pulled into the campus. This was not just a pleasure drive or a routine errand, this was a significant milestone in the life of my son and our family.
While Halloween is a fun time of year for many children, it can be a really difficult time for some, including many children with additional/special needs. For them it can be a confusing, anxiety-inducing, or even utterly terrifying time. But it doesn’t have to be like that. If we stop for a moment to think about the things they might find hard and how to put things in place to help them, children with special needs can safely join in the fun, too. So what are some of the things about Halloween that children with additional needs can find hard?
February 14 is the date to celebrate love in the hearts of two people, and it’s also Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day. Initially, our daughter’s heart diagnoses came as a shock. My husband and I didn’t know how to process the diagnoses and the treatments. Years have passed, and we now have a healthier perspective. Today, I share three truths I discovered as a mom of a child with a CHD.
During some seasons of our life, we had what seemed to be no free time whatsoever; at other times, we had some. We’ve had seasons when we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But over time, we have purposed to take back the sound track of our life and change some of the noise into music we want to hear. We’ve learned the freedom experienced when we don’t have a lot of plates spinning. What are some things we can do to get to that place? Here are a few thoughts that with a little creativity can help us embrace this place.
I hear the music and sway to it with a smile, but do I really feel that way? Do you feel that way? I can honestly say that sometimes the added pressure of buying and wrapping gifts, decorating, sending greetings, baking, and all the rest can be very overwhelming. To help me in this process, I’ve had to put a few things in place that sometimes gets laughs, maybe even ridiculed. Here are a few thing that have helped in my life and for our family.
For those of us who are married for better or worse, we’re in it to win it. That’s the easy part because it’s just saying the words, but in real life, we know that many of us in the world and journey of special needs need real help to make it to the finish line. Those doing this alone without a partner to help cope know full well that this journey isn’t for the faint of heart. Whether married or single parenting special needs, you need help!
Our son with special needs is 38. Joe and I have been vastly helped by the encouragement from each other, and friends and family as they’ve cheered us on in the journey. We know we all need and can use encouragement on a daily basis. For those of us who are married, we can get that encouragement from our spouse. For those in the single lane of this journey, that encouragement must come from others like family, friends, even co-workers and neighbors to make it to the finish line!
We have also had mentors along the way who’ve been great to tap into for their expertise. If you have disappointments and times of discouragement in your marriage or in this journey on your own, you might just need someone to mentor you to the next step. Finding someone you look up to and who is a few steps ahead of you might be all you need to get a right frame of mind and a new place to set your foot firmly. We have appreciated mentorship from others when we needed it.
We’ve even had several counseling sessions, at a time when we wondered if we were getting this special needs marriage and parenting piece in the right place of a million piece puzzle. For any of us having difficulty working through the worse parts of our vows that are dysfunctional and devastating, or for the single parent who just can’t seem to make it day to day where they are, don’t hesitate to see a counselor.
An encourager is one who is beside you cheering you on to the best you can be!
A mentor should help you:
Figure out and navigate challenges, such as money issues or raising children
Get out of a rut if you’re feeling stuck
Learn to communicate better in simple ways
Distinguish between disappointments versus dysfunction that needs counseling.
A counselor should help you:
Understand how you got into these dysfunctions
Identify and navigate help for mental disorders, depression, etc.
Work through various abuses—drug, alcohol, emotional, marital, etc.
Move forward
Have accountability in the learning and growing process.
This is a partial list of what we cover more fully in our new book Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. Whether married or a single parent, there is a lot to learn as we navigate getting help through encouragement, mentoring, or counseling. We should never hesitate to get whatever help we need. The special needs journey is often long and hard, but made easier and smoother when we have others helping us along the way. We should never be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help when we know we need it.
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on family and special needs. They speak nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife, and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at www.cindiferrini.com and social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/
ANNOUNCING their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey is available through their website!
Getting away for coffee or a trip out of town for a weekend for those of us caring for someone with special needs is really a luxury. So, when my (Cindi’s) sister and our two daughters and sons-in-law offered to tag team care for Joey, we booked a trip almost on the spot. We made a plan for our escape! Here’s how we made the trip great for us and for Joey.
