Experiencing post-traumatic growth (PTG) while raising a child with disabilities may not be on your radar screen when you’re drowning in the stress associated with caregiving. The only growth that concerned me during our son’s medically-fragile years was increasing his strength as he fought for his life. Paying attention to the stress I was experiencing while he struggled, and possible growth coming from it, never crossed my mind.
Now, as I reflecting on the hot mess I was in 1982 after our son’s birth, I barely recognize the young and very stressed person I was then. The credit for my present lack of hot messiness goes to post-traumatic growth.
By now you may be asking yourself, “What is post traumatic growth, how do I sign up for the class, and how do I know its happening in me?”
Let’s start with the first question.
In a research study conducted by Taylor Elam and Kanako Taku, they define PTG as “the positive psychological changes as a result of a struggle with a major life crisis or traumatic event.” The crisis or event is the kind that rocks a person to the core and forces a re-evaluation of beliefs about the world. That sounds a lot like what many parents experience after a child’s diagnosis, doesn’t it?
Image from @jule_42 on Unsplash.
Now, on to the second question.
The bad news is that I don’t know of classes about PTG. But according to Richard Tedeschi, who has worked extensively with traumatized veterans, you can facilitate and encourage your own growth in 5 powerful ways.
Educate yourself. Understand that traumatic events disrupt your core beliefs about safety. This is confusing and frightening. It tends to produce anxious, repetitive thinking: Why did this happen? Who’s in control? What should I do now? We have to rethink who we are, the world we live in, and what our future will be like. This can be extremely painful, it can also usher in valuable change.
Regulate your emotions. You can do this by observing your emotions you experience them. Physical exercise and meditative practices such as breathing also help. Employ these techniques yourself when circumstances are challenging and then use them to help others.
Disclosure. Our memories distort the truth of traumatic events in order to survive in the moment and in the wake of a traumatic event. Those distortions become fixed and we remember wrongly, so we need to discover what actually happened.
Narrative development. Once you’ve discovered the truth, it’s time to create an authentic narrative of the trauma and its aftermath as well as a narrative of what you hope your future will hold. Jesus provides us one such narrative through his resurrection and promise of life after death.
Service. When we come to the aid of victims of similar events, whether they are our loved ones or community members, our past sufferings are given meaning and purpose. In doing so, we are being faithful to the example of Jesus.
Finally, to answer the third question.
Richard Tedeschi also identified these 5 signs of PTG in individuals:
Personal strength. A sense of being better equipped to tackle future challenges often demonstrated by an “I made it through this, I can make it through something again” attitude.
Openness to new possibilities. PTG makes people more courageous about innovation and better able to adapt to, innovate, and embrace change.
Improved relationships. Those who experience PTG exhibit greater gratitude toward existing relationships and are more willing to forge new ones.
Greater appreciation for life. PTG stimulates gratitude for the fundamentals of living and working and enables people to recognize positive change and be grateful for it.
Spiritual growth. Encounters with trauma can force people to become amateur theologians or philosophers. They are interested in designing a life worth living and often intentionally pursue spiritual development.
As you reread and reflect upon this list, ask yourself which signs of PTG are present in you now. Your answer may well indicate that you are experiencing post-traumatic growth while raising a child with disabilities.
You may also see that God is fulfilling his Philippians 1:6 promise to faithfully complete the good work He began in you when he brought a child with disabilities into your life through the process of post-traumatic growth.
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dance!, the third book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2023. The audio version of Book 1, See Jane Run!, was released in November of 2023.
