A parent or caregiver of someone with special needs, needs the ability to bounce back. There was a time we asked each other, “What would it take (not that we want to experience it) for us to hit a breaking point?” We don’t have a list of times we thought we were close, but we do have a few stories that stick with us to help us remember not to quit when things are rough. Here are a few ways we kept mindful of the ability to bounce back.
“Learning to listen isn’t a gift; it’s a skill.” “Anytime is a good time to learn to listen.”
These statements are great places to start in the month of “love” as we share cards, gifts, and time with others. It’s a skill that can be learned and we will be all the better for it. In our family, we are still learning and growing in this area both in our marriage as well as with our grown children, their spouses, the grandchildren, and our son with special needs.
The playground was bustling with laughter and movement, but my boys, then just two and four years old, played in their own quiet way. After a speech therapy session, we stopped at a nearby park, a familiar part of our speech therapy routine when the weather was nice. My older son wandered the perimeter of the playground and discovered sweet gum balls—a spiky green fruit on the gumtree but which dries out and turns brown and drops to the ground.
The lessons I learned while raising a child with EA/TEF have been many and varied. That’s to be expected since our son was born in 1982 with esophageal atresia (EA) and a tracheoesophageal fistula (TEF), two conditions that left him unable to swallow and required immediate surgery. Many of the lessons came about as a result of the surgeries and invasive procedures he endured between birth and age 5. Other lessons came later as he became more independent in adolescence and adulthood. I encourage you to use these ten lessons as a springboard for considering what you’ve learned as well.
Kingdom Focus is what first comes to mind. Those of us who are married and have someone in our life with special needs for whom we have responsibility (often 24/7 and 365!) know that without focus, we are doomed. AND for those of us who are believers in Jesus, we add to that His Kingdom focus and our part in it.
For us, we have 5 top ways to work on our marriage and keep it strong. There are more, of course, but let’s not get overloaded!
As I look at my life as a caregiver, I can see the temptation I have toward sinning in four specific ways. And even though it’s much easier not to talk about the uncomfortable topic of sin, Scripture says we can confess our sins to each other (James 5:16). So today I’m confessing to you some of the sins I struggle with in hopes that it will encourage you to look at your own life and see if these patterns are evident in you as well.
Special needs parents already live with a lot of stress and anxiety. But when you add in the extra uncertainty that comes with COVID-19 and what’s going on with back-to-school come the fall, well, it’s possible as parents to go into anxiety overload. But there’s a verse in Isaiah that is very encouraging for all parents during this time of uncertainty regarding your child(ren) and our future.
The interviewer asked how caregiving impacted Marjorie’s spiritual journey, and what spiritual practices she found most helpful. With a laugh, Marjorie responded that caring for her mother and mother-in-law was her spiritual practice. What she said hit me like a thunderbolt: for 25 years, caring for my son, Joel, who has autism, was my spiritual practice.
We are living in an unprecedented time of history. COVID-19 is a silent, insidious enemy that lurks around every corner. How do we, as parents of children with disabilities, not only face but confront the fear all around us? Here are ten scriptural weapons we can use to defeat the enemy. We can, and must, teach at least some of them to our children, who are dealing with their own heightened anxiety.
